First of all, I would like to thank you all for your prayers and support over the past 5 years.  I am so blessed to have so many people that love me and Maggie.  As I prepare to leave for China this week, I wanted to let you know what you to expect once we return.

I would LOVE for all of you who can to come to the Birmingham Airport as our Delta flight comes into BHM at 9:44 p.m.  This will be such a great time to see all of you and for you to get to see Maggie.  I cannot promise you that we will be totally awake or alert as it will have been a really long day for all of us!  LOL

I ask that you please do not try to hold Maggie during this time and give her a little space as she is likely to be overwhelmed at all of the attention.  If she reaches for you, please give her a hug and then lean back.  She needs time for us to bond and for her to know that I am her mother.

Many of you have walked this "attachment" journey before with you own children so just endure the rest of the letter. For others who haven't yet walked this road of international adoption I'd like to give you an idea of what to expect when we come home. I have no idea what this next few months or year will hold. i do however know that it will be rewarding, trying , exhausting,  etc.  i know all children are different and unique so i am just trusting Him to guide me. 

I have spent a lot of time researching and preparing for what to expect when bringing home an adopted child. Hey what else was I supposed to do during those 5 years of waiting.  I am using a wonderful clinic in Birmingham called the International Adoption Clinic. I want to take this opportunity to share a little of the knowledge I have gained and ask for your help in making our transition to a family an easy (easier) one. I know this is lengthy but please just bear with me.

It's easy to assume that parenting Maggie will be no different than parenting any other 21 month old child. There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. However, there are also quite a few areas that I have learned and know are very different (especially for institutionalized children). The main area is the one of attachment. In addition, the physical development can be quite delayed at first. This usually catches up quickly. So, Maggie probably will not be doing the things that a normal 21 month old is doing. In fact she may resemble a 12 month old more than she does a 21 month old, but I know with love and care it will be no time at all before she's talking and into everything.

Through the adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books and research, adoption social workers, occupational therapists, pediatricians, and firsthand experience I know that Maggie needs a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to make her feel safe and secure and to learn how to adjust to being a part of my family. I want to do everything I can to make this very scary transition as easy as possible for her. I try to put Myself in her position and imagine how she must feel—new smells, new language, strange people with funny noses and eyes. If I were thrown into this situation, it would take me months to adjust and trust these strange creatures.

When Maggie gets home, at the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, I need to implement some specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, and emotionally healthy child. She must learn that I am her mother and I will be the one meeting her needs. She is not used to having a mother to love and care for her. This is why this time is so critical.

There are some things that I will be doing when I get home for quite some time until I can see that Maggie has adjusted, attached, and bonded the way that is appropriate. This could take 3-4 months or it could take up to a year or more. I have been advised that the approaches that I'm about to mention be carried out no less than 3-4 months. I know that you will all understand and respect why we are living as we are. Please be patient with me since some of the requests may seem a little strange or even silly at times.

From the moment we arrive home, we will be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few visitors in for a little while. Adoption professionals tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping our lives a little boring at first, it will be helping Maggie to get used to her new home, new room, new toys, new family, new time zone and help her feel safe. This does NOT mean that I do not want visitors coming to see Maggie for the first time. Of course, I want to show her off! We will just have to limit it so it is not so overwhelming for her.

I know that a number of people are planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. I am definitely looking forward to that. Please come and welcome us home. I know that you will understand that I will not be able to pass Maggie around for everyone to hold and I will have to be careful not to overload her with new things and people not only at the airport but for the months to come. I know all of you want to hug, kiss, love on, and help spoil Maggie. Don't worry—you'll get your chance! But, it is recommended that I be the only one to do that at first to improve her chances of attaching strongly to me. A biological mother has the benefit of her unborn baby knowing her smell, hearing her voice before he/she is born. This helps with the bonding process. Unfortunately, I don't have this benefit so it is going to be a little extra work and take some extra time for me. Until I feel Maggie has attached and clearly knows I am her mother, I will need to feed, change and take care of her. So, I won't be putting her in the nursery or leaving her with friends or babysitters for quite awhile. I know that missing out on some diaper changes will disappoint many of you. Have no fear; there will be many more once she becomes comfortable at home. 

As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called "indiscriminate affection" and can mean that they haven't really attached to anyone. It would not be a good sign that Maggie has attached to me if during her first months home she will let just anyone take her and hold her without searching for her mom.

It will be trying at times and wonderful all at the same time. But, the sacrifices we make in these first months and even first year will reap huge rewards down the road.  The consequences could be even greater so I just want to know that I have done all that I can to help Maggie adjust to her new world. 

You all have been such a support and blessing to me and I thank you so much.

With love,

Tricia