Warning this is a long post.  I need to remember October 25, 2008.  I had a really crazy dream on that night that I must share with you all.  Details a few paragraphs below!

You know the waiting for a referral (Maggie) has just grown to craziness over the past 3 years.  I originally started in December 2005 with my paperchase and the wait was to be 6 - 8 months.  I am nearing my 3 year mark (2 1/2 years for being logged into China’s system).  I am assuming I should get her referral a year from this December.  That would be December 2009.

I have passed the time by reading everything I can get my hands on regarding attachment with an orphan, raising a baby/toddler, and stayed up to date on all the product recalls.  However, I am sure when the time comes for me to see my Maggie’s face for the first time I will probably shout “I’m not ready”  LOL

She has a full closet of clothes in every size imaginable - can you say retail therapy?  I must say that 99% of what I have bought her has been on major closeout - $.99 - $5.  If she can’t wear them, then I am sure there is someone else that can.  I did, however, stop buying for her earlier this summer as I have plenty!

I have painted her nursery but that is about it.  I did move some of my furniture into her room and started her bookcase with books my cousin, Laurie (also Maggie’s Godmother) gave her.  She has some stuffed animals that are precious and a doll house that my sister-in-law, Lisa, and I found at a garage sale for $2.

I am going to purchase her nursery furniture about 6 months from referral time and it pretty much matches my bedroom furniture.  So I will only purchase a lifetime crib that will grow with her into a toddler bed then a double bed.  She has my armoire and bookcase and once we get the glider/rocker, her room will be complete with furniture.

I have chosen and purchased her bedding and I love it!  It is bright lime, pink and yellow gerber daisies.  A very happy room for hopefully a very happy girl.

Now for my dream.  It started with me in China with Laurie (my cousin and Maggie’s Godmother who is going with me).  We had just landed at the airport, somewhere in China, and we on our way to check into the hotel.  We stopped and ended up in a very long line.  As we are waiting and walking in the line of people, I notice that there is an equally long line of Chinese women holding babies.  I look to Laurie and say that “they have babies”.  I am going to be a mom today!!!!  Then I see this long line of baby sweaters (kind of like a clothesline) - hey it is a dream, you know!  The sweaters match up to the babies as the Chinese women bring the babies to each child.  No knows who their child is until the sweater in front of you matches up with the next baby.

The sweater in front of me, I notice is just beautiful.  It is white with little blue flowers on it and it is a size 6 - 9 months so I think I am getting a baby!  Yea as this is what I want.  Now for the crazy part as if this is not crazy enough.

I come around the corner of the line and in front of me is a little tiny girl that has blonde hair and blue eyes.  She resembles me.  And you know what?  I am so disappointed!  As the babies are matched up with the sweaters, there was a mix up and someone had grabbed the wrong sweater.  So the sweet little blonde hair little girl goes to the girl in front of me.  My Maggie is right in front of me and she has the most beautiful big almond shaped eyes and black hair that is cut so close to her head.  She is crying, no screaming!!!!  LOL  I hold her and tell her that I am her mommy and she said ma ma.  Meanwhile my cousin, Laurie, is talking to some people she met and it NOT taking pictures of this event!  Shame on you Laurie!  HA HA HA  That is funny!

The next scene is me introducing Maggie to everyone in my family who all just appeared in China!  I have a diaper bag full of things but I don’t know what to do with any of it.  I don’t know how to make formula, I don’t know what to do to help comfort her, etc.  It was pretty funny!  Thankfully, that part is NOT correct - hopefully I can make a mean bottle of formula and I bet some rocking might help with the crying!!!!

I know that this is a dream, but Maggie’s face and touch was so real.  I wonder if she was just conceived or just born.  Who knows, it may mean nothing just that God wanted to give me some hope that this dream might be a reality sometime in the near future.

Maggie, I can’t wait until you are not a dream any more, but a reality!  I love you and pray for you, your mom and dad, and the nannies at the orphanage.  I pray that you hear that you are loved every day and know that you will be my family soon.  I love you, Mommy.

Tricia